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this latest in a long line of breakthrough music videos is not the tasteless sexploitation it's accused of being." - "It's artistic expression." - Of what? Of one woman's constant need to show the world. "Madonna trusts the public will judge for itself that. She's gonna kill me! - I need the quote for the Madonna release. I wanna be a coked-out whore! OK, you can be a coked-out whore too. You don't understand what it's like to be this fat! I've always been thin, and now I'm a disgusting pig! And it's my first time going to the Video Music Awards and all the other girls are gonna be skinny, and I'm gonna look like a whale! Baby, baby, they're just skinny 'cause they're all coked-out whores. It's just that every time I wanna comb my hair I spend 15 minutes taking these long, bushy hairs out of my brush. Gertie, I asked you, please, to use your own brush, OK? - Can you just not use my brush? - Don't start. Yeah, until I'm standing next to Janet Jackson or Sheryl Crow. Would you stop rushing me? I don't understand how somebody who had all day sitting around to get ready waits till 20 minutes before we have to leave! You try getting anything accomplished with this big gut in your way! This is one of the few days of the year that I can be fired for being late! Anytime that you wanna carry this baby, Ollie, you let me know! OK? I would be glad to go back to wearing regular dresses instead of this tent! The dress looks fine. Look, you've got two minutes, and then we have to go, OK? - Or I'm gonna leave. Thank you! - You're welcome! And with that, everyone lived happily ever after. Do we have enough of these at home, or should I steal some? If you're gonna steal something, steal some rubber gloves. He said they celebrated their engagement by going out for pizza. Who are you, Connie Chung? Daddy said, because Mommy survived her first trip to Jersey, he knew she was a keeper. So that night, Daddy took Mommy to Pop's bar, where she got to meet Pop's other children, his best friends Greenie and Block. And it greases a father's insides so that he can better swallow the sh*t his son feeds him twice a year when he can be bothered coming to visit him. I got a layer of juice built up for the pork roll, and I don't want you scrubbin' it off. It's a bunch of old guys talkin' about how good they had it under Kennedy. You're going to a bar? - Didn't he tell ya? I'm an alcoholic. If you guys are gonna do anything while I'm gone, stay the hell off of my bed. Listen to the mouth on this one! Oh, yeah, they don't make 'em like Mom anymore, do they, Dad? - Now, listen, I'm goin' to the bar. I was only gonna sleep with him a few more times and then dump him, but now, after an offer like that. Well, you continue seeing my son, I can probably get you a turn at the wheel. Oh, man, I always wanted to ride in one of those things. He's the only man in Highlands licensed to operate the street sweeper. I work for the borough, for 30 years now.
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So he took her home to New Jersey and put her through what he said was the biggest test their love would ever face: "Introducing her to my pop." - Hey, how are ya? - How're ya doin'? - How're ya doin' yourself? - This is Gertrude. But after a year of romance in New York City, Daddy said it was time to show Mommy where he came from. Daddy says that's why they both loved the city so much - it never went to sleep. Come on, "I Want Your Sex"? That sound like he's singing to a guy? Daddy worked so much that sometimes Mommy could only see him late at night. Because George Michael is a pimp who is all about the ladies, my friend. they made slight corrections for their clients. Daddy said their jobs were kind of the same. Mommy was a book editor in New York City when her and Daddy met. Daddy loved his job, but not as much as he loved my mom. And even though they all loved him, he loved them even more. By the time he was 27, he had 100 people working for him. My dad was a Jersey boy who became the youngest and most successful music publicist in New York City. My dad says life can be split into two categories: New Jersey. Maybe your dog can eat the zero you'll be receiving too. Whenever my Uncle Stu comes over to play pool with my dad, my mom says the basement smells like a Cheech and Chong movie. I did and my Dad said he's a total Bush-man. He told me to ask my dad who he voted for. Brian! My brother Jack is in eighth grade.
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When they're in their bedroom at night, I always hear them yelling, "Jesus!" My mom says my dad's eyes are brown because he is so full of sh. My mom says that me and my dad have very healthy appetites. We're going to read them aloud to the class right up here.
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So I want everyone to take out their essays. Last week, the assignment was to write an essay about your family.